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Friday, 6 December 2019


Give me the strongest cheese, the one that stinks best;
and I want the good wine, the swirl in crystal
surrendering the bruised scent of blackberries,
or cherries, the rich spurt in the back
of the throat, the holding it there before swallowing.
Give me the lover who yanks open the door
of his house and presses me to the wall
in the dim hallway, and keeps me there until I'm drenched
and shaking, whose kisses arrive by the boatload
and begin their delicious diaspora
through the cities and small towns of my body.
To hell with the saints, with martyrs
of my childhood meant to instruct me
in the power of endurance and faith,
to hell with the next world and its pallid angels
swooning and sighing like Victorian girls.
I want this world. I want to walk into
the ocean and feel it trying to drag me along
like I'm nothing but a broken bit of scratched glass,
and I want to resist it. I want to go
staggering and flailing my way
through the bars and back rooms,
through the gleaming hotels and weedy
lots of abandoned sunflowers and the parks
where dogs are let off their leashes
in spite of the signs, where they sniff each
other and roll together in the grass, I want to
lie down somewhere and suffer for love until
it nearly kills me, and then I want to get up again
and put on that little black dress and wait
for you, yes you, to come over here
and get down on your knees and tell me
just how fucking good I look

- Kim Addonizio

Sunday, 27 October 2019

2019

I think when I wrote this post in 2013 I had a plan to write one similar every year. I suspect that perhaps instagram #BestIn2014 was invented and therefore I never got round to it. This post I have called 2019...but I guess anything since 2013 that feels relevant to share will be included


- I've been living in London for 6 years, it does feel like 10+

- In 2013 I was just starting out my career in Fashion Tech and since then left, joined again and ran away from it screaming


- I still think about the man mirror designs and in fact recently showed it in a new starter presentation to my team. It will likely always be a way to reflect on how far I've come

- This year I turned 30 and we drank a brewery dry & I was reminded of how lucky I am to have so much love and friendship in my life

- My Dad came to the Dolphin

- I am still redefining what a loving relationship really means with my monumental life partner, MW (We still haven't worked out whether video games will cause our ultimate demise) 

- I'll write a book when I know more

- Me and my partner in crime, K are bossing the world of podcasting, one episode and one prison at a time

- Bird Podcast won an award!

- I've been on holiday every month this year (Gothenburg, Dorset, Italy, Santorini, Venice, Sardinia, Lake District, Copenhagen, Jersey, France, Croatia, Tunisia, Paris, Amsterdam, Hamburg)  - the life of a contractor was good

- 46 Lothair Road North is no more

- #10Woody makes up 20% of all crime drama consumption in the UK

- ...And all crumpet consumption

- I've just started a permanent job working on defining a decentralised, decarbonised energy grid. Quite the leap from Louis Vuitton and rings shaped like ice lollies that cos £300k (Bye bye holidays, but hello mini world takeover)

- I work with way too many men, but careful what you wish for - as I used to pray for the opposite in fashion

- People are starting to leave London

- Dave & Louella had a baby

- The Central line and the entrance to Finsbury park tube are my least favourite places at 8am (Who am I kidding - 9am) 

- I probably need to write a sitcom about my daily work life as a catharsis and duty to women who work

- The Goldfinch film just no

- Too scared to watch 'Sorry we missed you' - have broken down twice at the trailer

Here's to enjoying the rest of the year and on to the next - Destination Unknown


Life is good. Thank you to everyone who's in it.




My duty as a songwriter is not to try to save the world, but rather to save the soul of the world. This requires me to live my life on the other side of truth, beyond conviction and within uncertainty, where things make less sense, absurdity is a virtue and art rages and burns; where dogma is anathema, discourse is essential, doubt is an energy, magical thinking is not a crime and where possibility and potentiality rule. The answers to the secrets of the heart may just be there, in the inscrutable dark of the forest, in the unfathomable depths of the sea, at the uncertain tips of our fingers.

- Nick Cave, Red Hand Files, 2019